While the story is out to betas, we decided to edit some of it. Our brilliant beta Liz Page has helped us with good revision ideas. We're planning to do major editing, so my betas, please, if you WANT to drop the project all together, do so. Unless you want to help us out with the big picture stuff, of course. Anyways, this is part of the first rough line of the first revised chapter. The story now, is not only completely different, but we think, more elaborately developed. Guess sixth time is the charm :P
Thanks for reading guys!
Please tell us if it's too cheesy!
13 comments:
I like it! I think it sets the stage for something epic and even creepy to come. It would totally make me read on....
I agree with Krista. :D
I'm wondering what follows this next line. Dreams are a really common beginning of books, so I'm much more interested in WHY the character is consumed with death. I think this depends on where you take it. I'm really interested to see where you ladies take this! Good luck! Keep us updated on the progress :)
I agree that it really depends on the context. By itself I really like the line and it really hooks me, but in context it could be cheesy.. I don't know.
I think it establishes tone, lets the reader know they're in for something creepy. I'll send over the chapters I have finished, just so you'll have them.
Yes its very hooking.
Awww I love you guys.
I'm betaing the new first chap as I type this and I promise my first thought was, I love this line!! It actually already says that on the copy I'm typing on.
I like it! But it sure is the shortest teaser I've ever read : ))
Lol, thanks for commenting guys :3
And the support :3
Definitely not too cheesy! (Mixed with the right second line, of course). It would hook me in, if the rest kept pace.
Good luck with revisions, I'm sure it will come out wonderfully!
I agree--it's definitely not too cheesy and invokes a mood--presuming the next lines follow it up the right way.
Good luck with your revisions--I feel for you! :)
I love the line by itself too! Definitely not cheesy at all.
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